Sep 22 2008
How Do You Value Yourself?
I was talking to a girlfriend of mine the other day and we got on the subject of self-worth and how we see ourselves. The thing that stuck out the most about this discussion was how I was determining my worth and how faulty it was. What is self-worth? I looked up the word in the dictionary and found, “the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect.” My mission is to correctly identify that value and worth, accept it and use it to the glory of God.
Now, I don’t think I even thought about this seriously before I had children. Back when I was working in Corporate America, I didn’t doubt what value I brought to the world. I equated that value with the pay check, bonuses, promotions and things I was able to obtain. These were tangible things. Hey, I was young, college educated, making good money and I thought I had it goin’ on. It was my world, and everybody else was just living in it.
Fast forward 20 years. I am a stay-at-home wife and mother and have been for over 9 years now. I began homeschooling my 7 year old daughter last year and my 4 year old this year. Never before has this issue of my worth been as questionable as it is in this season of my life. What are the tangible things now that I can grasp onto? How do I know that I made the right choice to come home? How do I know that I am succeeding as a wife and mother? “Am I qualified to homeschool my children?”
I have to say that nine years of not having a paycheck and a “title” has had its toll on my self-esteem. At times I find myself grasping for something to validate who I am and what I have to offer, whether it is trying to be the perfect homemaker, the prosperous entrepreneur, the good Christian or the infamous Superwoman. Now I realize that my value has to be based on things deeper than external material gains or what others think of me. These factors change. It has to be centered on who God created me to be and what He has called me to do. My pastor always says, “When you know who you are, no one can make you into who they want you to be”. I like that because if I know who I am and what I have to bring the table, no situation or person will be able to make me question that.
So what about you? What are you using to judge the value you offer your family and this world?
12 responses so far
I like what you’ve done.
It’s interesting that you are much bolder about opening up that I would be. But that’s probably the difference between a man and a woman.
I taught my children to do the best they can in any situation. By definition, you can not do better than you can and you should be satisfied with that.
My other philosophy about life is that you make the best decision that you can at the moment.
If you get more and better information later then have the courage to make a better decision.
My vote is that you made the best decision at the time. Periodically check the facts and give yourself a score. If it’s a good grade then go forward, If not then make another decision.
I am so glad that you are sharing the wisdom of God that is in you online.
I am looking forward to continuing to read your posts.
Love you, Woman of God!
-D
http://www.DMJConsulting.com
Gorgeous blog! And yes, it is a struggle sometimes. We build images in our heads about what it means to be a homeschool mom, but God shatters them. Our worth comes from him. I wish it wasn’t so hard to remember that.
What a pretty blog. Please continue forward toward the mark. It takes such courage to be a homeschool mom. I admire someone that listens to the holy spirit. Do what he leads you to do. Your family will be so much better for your effort, love and commitment. If you look hard enough, your worth is demonstrated (over and over) all around you. God has a way of manifesting his blessings in everything we do…if we seek him first and the kingdom of righteousness.
@Al-
Thanks for all your support. I figure that once I put things out in the open, I have to deal with it. What you see is what you get with me.
@Donna-
It’s time to get all of this out and prayerfully be a blessing to others. So far, I think I have been blessed more by the comments I have received.
@Renae-
Thanks for your kind words. It’s all about seeing ourselves as He sees us. He will help us to see who we really are and what we have to give.
@E Douglas-
Thank you. Wow, you said a mouthful when you said “courage”. That’s good. I hadn’t thought about that word before but it’s true. I appreciate you taking the time to share that.
Very, Very inspiring. It is good that you blog about “self-worth” this day, because this is something I have been struggling with lately. Quite often I have placed a value or title to the word, but really it is not about titles or promotions or big paychecks. See I am a single parent (just my daughter and myself), no sugar daddies, no live in relatives, just me, my daughter and GOD pulling this thing. My current job provides no benefits or decent pay as a matter of fact it is a paycheck to paycheck daily struggle for me. I will complete my B.S. this December and enroll in Graduate school in January. I have had about 50+ interviews and no one calls to offer a position “talk about self-worth”. Many a times I wonder what is wrong with me? I’m I too heavy or too confident or what?
See self-worth is about knowing yourself and knowing that you are the best one up for the job because you know what you have worked so hard toward and that you can really, really appreciate and praise when the time comes to be rewarded.
Ms. Charlene I have told you many times you are an inspiration to me. You have been where I want to go and conquered things I have yet to conquer. You have done things in your life that the average woman has not done. On top of it all you have a beautiful family, a beautiful spirit and bragging rights to say that you are a educated, married, black woman that has the opportunity to home school her kids and be able to give them all of you.
@Felicia-
You inspire me! Thank you for such wonderful words. The Word of God says that ‘a faithful man shall abound with blessings’. You are definitely a faithful and diligent woman so you have to be blessed to overflowing. I believe that because God’s Word never fails!
Thank you for having the courage to share your personal thoughts in such a profound way. Being a wife,mother of four,stay at home mom and entrepreneur myself. I’ve had to constantly define and defend my value to myself and others. I’ve recently discovered there is no easy measurement to determine our value to anyone without compromise . I work on myself daily to be true to God and my faith in him. My self-worth and value from him allows me to be a blessing and valuable to others. Great topic…keep this going and let me know when you update. God’s Peace and Blessings
Hey Charlene,
This is a wonderful idea and website. God bless you daughter! A lot of what you said has been a struggle within me for years and yes I’m glad to know I’m not alone. Thanks for hearing God and following through. You have encouraged me more than you’ll ever know. I’ll continue to read as you continue to write.
Wow, Charlene! I felt like I was reading about me. That’s where I’ve been for awhile now, but I am understanding more why I felt that way. Continue to allow Daddy to use you.
Hey Girl,
Look at you!! It did not take long for the Father to lead you in the area He wanted you to be in. How wonderful of Him and for you. I know all will be inspired by your wit and humor, not to mention your intelect. I hope you place some of your prayers on here also because they are so annointed and would help so many. Good luck and God be with you in this quest you are on. You know, after all the time we spoke and wrote, by the way you described y0urself I never would have known just how beautiful of a woman you are, or how talented. You know what I mean, I hope. We always talked about ourselves and not in the most beautiful light. So here is to ya my friend, many, many good reviews and much fun while doing it. Your friend from Texas, Becky
One thing for sure you can not be a fake person. So what we see and read is exactly what we get. I for one love the real you and can’t wait to learn more and more from you in the area of homeschool, time managment and recipies. Well that is my request. Do you mind if I give the group your site to stop by and say hello. Even though it was not for you I know they will be interested in how the Lord is using you. Much love and now I am through for today. Becky Grijalva